one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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