y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
