Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize