My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
