i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
