Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
