woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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