How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
