need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can u be prego again
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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