if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
