Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
