Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
