How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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