I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
