i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
