your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
