Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
