By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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