Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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