...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize