I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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