Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
