Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
