grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
