I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize