I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize