i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
