nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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