I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
