And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
