There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
