I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
