Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
