She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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