what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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