You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
