it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
