Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
