On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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