i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
