Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
