i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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