You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
