I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He better not be in your backpack
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
