this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
