Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
