Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
