how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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