oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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