so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
