Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
