Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
