nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize