I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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