Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize