that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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