good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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