i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
