when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
