Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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