He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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