I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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