I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
