You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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