My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
