It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
