turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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