The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
