I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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