bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
