Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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