Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize