rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize