Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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