sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
