I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
