do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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