if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
