At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
