oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
