WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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