i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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