Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do herpes really smell.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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