There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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