By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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