I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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