I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
