so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
